Real life has one technical problem: your partner cannot read your mind.
What feels deliciously intense to one person may be far beyond another person’s limits. Especially when pain, humiliation, restraint, particular words or emotionally charged actions are involved.
That is why negotiation before a BDSM scene does not necessarily destroy the illusion of losing control. It can define the frame within which control can be handed over more safely.
What is absolutely off limits? What would be interesting to try? How can what is happening be stopped? Are there medical limitations? What happens if someone’s reaction changes unexpectedly?
Once that frame exists, there may be far more freedom to play within it. Perhaps the paradox is only apparent: to voluntarily give up control, you first need to know what you have actually agreed to give control over.