The concept comes from classic models of sex therapy, but contemporary research does not reduce all sexual difficulties to spectatoring. It is better understood as one possible mechanism that can interact with anxiety, negative body image and pressure around sexual outcomes.
Researchers also study orgasm pressure — the feeling that someone expects you to have an orgasm. People do report this experience in relationships, and research has associated such pressure with more negative sexual experiences and with faking orgasm.
That can create a very human feedback loop. A partner wants to give pleasure → starts waiting for evidence that it is “working” → the other person notices the expectation → starts monitoring their own response → pleasure now has to compete for attention.
Of course, no single question switches orgasm off for everyone. Some people are completely unbothered by “Are you close?” and may even find it arousing.
But if someone already knows that outcome-monitoring makes them anxious, that is useful information for the couple.
Instead of estimating how many percent remain before the finish line, the question can become simpler: “Does this feel good? Should I keep going?” Then communication helps a person stay inside the experience rather than keeping minutes of its successful completion.