And then it is very easy to start writing a psychological detective story: “If this turns me on, does it mean this is who I secretly am?”
Research on sexual fantasies gives us far less reason for that literal interpretation. Contemporary reviews emphasise that the content of a fantasy does not necessarily match a person’s real-life interests or behaviour. What is compelling in imagination does not have to become a life choice.
Fantasy can remove real consequences while retaining particular elements of an experience: intense attention, power, uncertainty, loss of control, taboo, novelty. We do not always know which element is actually doing the erotic work.
That is why I would be cautious with explanations like “You fantasise about submission because you are exhausted from making decisions.” For one person, that may feel subjectively accurate. For another, it may be completely wrong.
Sometimes sexual imagination is not revealing a hidden “true personality.” It simply has access to far more roles than everyday Tuesday requires.