But there are also switches — people who can enjoy both sides of that dynamic. In one context they may want to lead and set the frame; in another, they may voluntarily hand control to a partner. And it doesn’t have to be an even 50/50 split: one role may be the usual preference while the other appears only with certain people or in particular scenarios.
Another term that comes up here is power exchange — a consensual dynamic in which power or control is temporarily negotiated between the people involved. Who makes decisions? Who sets the rules? Who gets to direct what happens? For many people, that dynamic itself — not simply a particular sexual technique — is part of the arousal.
And this is where things get interesting. A role may depend not only on “what kind of person I am,” but also on who I’m with. Someone may want to lead with one partner and feel no desire to do so with another. A dynamic that feels erotic in one relationship may never arise in another.
So the question “Are you a dom or a sub?” can sometimes be too small for the real answer. For some people, the answer is simply: “Depends who I’m with.”