This helps separate three things. First, matching: partners have desires they can easily share. Second, flexibility: they can find several acceptable forms of intimacy rather than treating one script as the only correct one. Third, boundaries: there are activities or relationship structures a person does not consent to, and that no does not need to be cured or overcome.
Problems begin when one is substituted for another. A boundary is labeled inflexibility. A concession is presented as agreement. Or a difference is declared catastrophic before the partners understand what is genuinely essential to each person.
Sexual responsiveness means hearing a need and taking it seriously, but not necessarily fulfilling it literally. A wish for novelty can be explored in different ways. The need to feel desired can be expressed through more than one activity. A refusal can still be warm when the person is not rejecting the partner themselves.
Compatibility does not exist where differences disappear. It exists where both people can remain honest, curious, and free in their consent—and where no “us” requires destroying someone’s “self.”