There was an orgasm — success. There was not — someone must have done something wrong.
But human pleasure does not fit neatly into that system.
A person can have an orgasm and still feel emotionally unsatisfied with the experience. Or they can have no orgasm and still consider the sex deeply pleasurable, intimate and exciting.
For many people, orgasm genuinely matters, and dismissing its importance can be just as unhelpful. Especially when one partner regularly experiences pleasure and climax while the other is expected to take a philosophical attitude: “Sex is not only about orgasm.”
So the question is not whether orgasm matters.
Does it have to be the only measure of good sex — and why is access to it so different for different people?