Studies have found that greater perceived partner responsiveness is associated with stronger sexual desire for that partner. One possible mechanism involves feeling particularly valued and significant in the partner’s eyes.
That is interesting because attempts to “fix” sexual desire often focus on obviously sexual things: better lingerie, new positions, toys, fantasies, a holiday or a romantic dinner. All of those can be wonderful, but the sexual context may begin long before anyone reaches the bedroom.
“I am seen. I am noticed. I receive real attention. I am not simply a convenient part of our shared routine.”
Of course, this does not mean “be attentive and you will be rewarded with sex.” Care is not a currency that obligates a partner to pay you back with intimacy.
The point is different: our emotional and sexual worlds do not exist in completely separate rooms.
How we feel beside someone during the day can sometimes have a very real effect on how much we want to move closer to them at night.
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