Then you discover something unexpected in your own sexuality — and suddenly the rules become much stricter.
“Why does this turn me on? Is this normal? What does it say about me? What if someone finds out?”
Someone else's desire can feel like simple information about another person. Our own desires are much easier to turn into a statement about identity: if I like X, then I must be a certain kind of person.
But sexual interests do not always describe a person's character, values, or behavior outside a sexual context so literally. We may enjoy a particular dynamic, feeling, role, or scenario precisely because it exists in a separate space.
Sometimes it is easier to give other people permission to be sexually diverse than to give ourselves the same permission.
Maybe accepting your sexuality begins not with “Why do I like this?” but with “Do I actually need to justify liking it at all?”